What you Celebrate Duplicates

From a young age, we learn to see happiness as a carrot tied to achievement. It's everywhere. Really the WHOLE concept of "Happily Ever After" is "When you get the prince, or win the game, or "make it" then you'll get to relax and enjoy your life. We're told we can't handle delayed gratification, but when it comes to the real meaningful joys of life, delaying is all we know how to do.

We spend so much time chasing the things we think will make us happy, we forget to really enjoy what is going well for us currently.

I started on the happiness treadmill around High School. Shockingly, NOT the highlight of my life (and not nearly as cool all those teen dramas had led me to believe). To this day, the briefest glimpse of a high school cafeteria makes me want to run out of the room and hide. All I wanted to do was get through the hoops and get on to adulthood.

Relatable? probably.

The problem was, I internalized this idea that the only way to get through adversity was just knuckle down and get through it until something outside of myself provided relief. "You can enjoy life when you get that job, when you get into that new place, when you hit that goal."

Before I knew it I was in my late 20s and still...pretty miserable actually.

What gives? I thought.

Life was supposed to get more enjoyable once I got full authority over it, but because I was dependent on things outside of my control falling into place just right, it felt more like a series of crises.

I needed to learn how to find peace with what WAS in my control, and stop pinning my sense of happiness and ultimately worthiness on the things that I COULDN'T.

So I started what I think of as a Celebration Practice.

The way I see it, your inner narrators default is a little like having autofocus on your camera. Left to it's own devices it will simply focus on whatever is closest to the lens. Occasionally, that works out fine and sometimes your cat's tale get's captures in floofy detail while the subject of the image is left in blurry purgatory in the background.

By making a conscious effort to find, focus on and enjoy the positives in your life you're able to put your whole life within a more balanced perspective - one that leaves you in charge of what you get to feel at any given moment.

Supposedly the difference between fear and excitement is "breath", but honestly I'd say "narrative" is more likely where the shift happens, and celebration or gratitude is consciously choosing to frame life as an ever evolving and satisfying adventure instead of a series of trials.

I call it a celebration practice, because I hadn't had much luck with a traditional Gratitude Practice

Probably because it was generally preceded with things like "you should just be" and followed by things like "that you even have a job/boyfriend/home/access to a buss" and so on. Gratitude doesn't work when it's being used as a way to avoid or downplay the pain in your life. You don't want what you don't want, and the fact that you don't want it is a good enough reason to change whatever that circumstance is.

For example, I've struggled through a few jobs that I was frankly poorly suited for emotionally or intellectually. My morning narrative would go something like this " Uhg, Mornings. I hate having to get up so early and be at a certain place at a certain time. I'm so underpaid and under-appreciated. I can't wait until I find a new job/ I get to do something I really want to do. I guess I should just be grateful I can pay my bills, though. " While every single statement in that thought parade might be true, fixating on them makes getting though the work day or whatever struggle you're in just that much more painful, and trying to make myself grateful for something so clearly causing pain was impossible and honestly kind of damaging.

If I had my celelbraton practice in place, it might have sounded more like this: "I'm groggy, but it's nice to sip my coffee and enjoy how foggy it is as I walk to the bus. I see my neighbors have brought out the Fall decorations and it's making me smile how cozy and homey their place looks. I'm glad I'm not going to be at this job forever, and I'm enjoying meeting new people as I look for a new position where I feel more appreciated and better compensated. It may take a while to get there, but it's also kind of fun finding all these surprising opportunities and helpers along the way. I can get through this day knowing that I'm setting myself up for something I'm better suited for in the future. For now, I am making the choice to stay in this position until I find a better fit. I could leave now, but ultimately I appreciate the stability of this income right now."

Option two wouldn't necessarily change what happened throughout my day, but it would have set me up to see the good and keep the "bad" from becoming something I felt helpless against.

Starting a Celebration Practice might be hard at first, so here are a few simple suggestions of things you might currently be enjoying without realizing it.

The sensation of sunlight on your skin

Something beautiful outside either from a window view, or on a walk.

A favorite cozy ritual or sweater.

The fact that ice cream (including non-dairy ice cream) exists

Being able to take 3 minutes and just listen to your favorite song (bonus points for dancing)

Having access to the internet (I mean, you must have some since you're reading this)

The reality that you can not possible know what will happen in the future. Wonderful things HAVE happened to your in the past, wonderful things will happen to you again in the future.

If you have pets, that moment when they come in for a snuggle or do something silly that makes your heart feel like it's growing a few sizes.

Something doesn't have to be profound or major to be celebrated, and acknowledging those small things doesn't have to change your life in a major way in order for it to be worth it. Start small but be consistent for no other reason than because your one and only life is passing you by and you don't want to miss out on it.

To hear more about my philosophy on Celebration, check out this Instagram Live I just did

as well as this interview I did with the Good Life Manifesto