A Reluctant Calling
“Soul healing music” – that’s what the slightly shocked tourist at the airport called what I play as he dropped a bill into my guitar case.
“I wouldn’t expect to find you HERE!” he said, shaking his head, bemused but grateful.
It’s not that I heal anything, really. More like I affirm the humanity we go so much of our lives trying to cover up. In certain stressful places (like airports) hearing even that much of a reminder that we are OK as we are is profound.
We live in a performative culture. The standard is a series of masks we juggle from situation to situation out of fear of criticism or attack. Ignorance is pounced on by those relieved their own ignorance isn’t being revealed, a smoke and mirror trick that keeps us rebounding off of the things we oppose rather than dismanteling and composting them.
Our work culture demands professionalism that doesn’t end once we leave the office, our whole life is open to being picked apart by strangers on the internet who to easily cast about ideas of “worthy” or “not worthy.”
This isn’t to say, for example, someone being blatantly racist shouldn’t face the consequences for that world belief (which innately inhibits one’s ability to do ones job well, frankly). But a Kindergarten teacher shouldn’t have to hide the reality that she is an ADULT, who gasp drinks alcohol! Or wears a bikini! outside of the classroom in order to be viewed as employable, you know?
With so much pressure to present filter enhanced versions of ourselves, where are the spaces that let us just BE in all our messy glory?
Which brings me to my decades long admiration of Grunge. The first time I heard it, it was like a flip switched in my young head. I hadn’t heard anything that felt so deliciously and fundamentally human. No pseudo good times, just genuine heart ache, rage, passion, pettiness (ok, I could have done without the pettiness).
I fell in love with being human in a way that I hadn’t connected with before, in a way that only art seems to facilitate – to have this incredible compassion for all being struggling and striving and becoming.
Whatever music is getting made, however, there are too few places to really be present with it vulnerably. It’s really common for a venue owner to come in with a request to keep things light, nothing too heavy. The focus isn’t about transforming people’s lives, it’s about selling them as much alcohol as possible because that’s what pays the bills.
Even among more transcendental music, the focus is on elevating above the humen experience not reveling in the muck of it, embracing it, LOVING IT for all it’s worth.
So that’s my focus for the next 6 months – how can I CREATE that room. How can I create more intentional space to celebrate all that we are in chaotic and transformative times – filter off, heart out, feelings present – so that we can heal our souls in community instead of spontaneously stumbling on it at an airport.
If you have any ideas or you’ve come across something that inspired you, I’d love to hear about it! Let me know in the comments, and tell me more about where you need musical healing in your life.
Cheers wild hearts!
Allie